Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize