I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
