I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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