she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He told me they were just razor bumps!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
