Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
