I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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