Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
