my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
