I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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