Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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