FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who died my cat blue again?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
