Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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