You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
