then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I did not marry a roomba.
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