the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
