No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
