I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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