I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
