hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mouth tastes like poor choices
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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