I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
