This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
