I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
