The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
