apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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