I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
