Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
