The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
