I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize