They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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