Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
