So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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