New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
