She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
