I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the condom got lost in my hair
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
