before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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