how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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