Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
