Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
