you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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