I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
