she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
