I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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