discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
