i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
