Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
