oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
