she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
