I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
