Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
