no, he came in my armpit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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