When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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