LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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