how can u be prego again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize