he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
