dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize