I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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