I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
