I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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