I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
