I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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