I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
