he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
