Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
