Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
