dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
