there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
