and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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