Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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