Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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