I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
