Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
