i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
